Marital Advice 101.4 Settling Into Married Life - (Continued) Bedroom Bliss - 101.4d You probably think this is going to be about sex, and it is–in a roundabout way.  More directly, it is about farting  . Farting in bed. There is probably nothing that will disgust your wife more than your cutting one under the covers.  Oh, I know - you think that your farts are both silent and odorless. Wrong and Wrong again . Farting Etiquette It is improper etiquette for you to refer to your farting as tooting .  Women Toot , but men do not.  Men Fart .  It is important that you understand this distinction. Becoming A Fartaholic You may not know this, but farting in bed is much like becoming an alcoholic.  You  see, a person who eventually becomes an alcoholic doesn't start by guzzling a quart of gin on the very first day they have their very first drink.  No - they have a cocktail or two and it tastes good, but that'...

Marital Advice Eating Etiquette (Since the festive holiday season is upon us, with many good things to eat, it appears that a few comments about eating etiquette is appropriate.) This is not going to be a lecture about which hand to hold your fork and knife in, when to place your napkin on your lap, or the maximum number of peas to balance on your knife blade.  You can rely on your wife to train you on those matters. This is about a dining matter of far more significance to you than that, since you are a guy.  Since you are a guy, you will rarely be able to eat a full meal without spilling something on yourself.   You have probably already discovered this on your own. Scientific Eating Etiquette Truisms There are several unwritten hypothesis about spilling food on yourself that are as accurate as any known law of science: *  The more colorful the food item, the more likely it is to spill on you.  Thus, there is a 100% chance tha...