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MARITAL ADVICE

*****  THANKS, FAREWELL *****
As you may be aware, when my grandson, Joel, got engaged I decided to jot down a few words of marital advice for him, just for fun.  Then I thought, why share this wisdom with only one person when I can share it with the whole world.  So, I started this blog about eleven months ago, listing marital advice every week.  

In January of this year, the material from the blog, plus additional information, was published as the book, Marital Advice to my Grandson, Joel.  

Well, I ran the blog far longer than I intended and said about all I have to say, so this will be my final posting.  To those who have read the blog from time to time, or regularly, thank you.  To those of you who purchased a copy of the book, I hope you enjoyed it.  

The blog will remain on the web for another couple of weeks before it disappears.  

Here are a few parting thoughts about marital life.  Farewell.



A Woman gets married when
she finds the man of her dreams.
A man gets married …
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MARITAL ADVICE

*****  Marital Quotations, #4  *****
Short quotations that summarize some of the key concepts from Marital Advice to my Grandson, Joel, are scattered throughout the book.  Here are a few of those.



Your wife's suggestions on what you should wear,
how you should hold your dinner fork,
how fast you should walk or eat,
how loud you should talk,
and opinions on other aspects of your daily life
should not be construed as criticism - 
it's "Training."


It's not your fault that you spill on yourself
when you eat - it's hereditary.  Your great-grandfather
did it, your grandfather did it, your father did it, 
and now it's your turn.
Forewarn your sons what is ahead for them.


When it comes to buying that mansion on the lake,
that 32-foot cabin cruiser, or that fancy sports car,
there is only one rule:
If you've got the money, go for it!
If you don't have the money, don't fool yourself.




Copyright  ©  2018 By Peter Davidson
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MARITAL ADVICE

*****  Marital Quotations, #3  *****
Short quotations that summarize some of the key concepts from Marital Advice to my Grandson, Joel, are scattered throughout the book.  Here are a few of those.



When your wife says, "Dear, will you help me . . . .,"
she doesn't mean next month, next week, tomorrow,
or when the game you're watching is over.

She means NOW.

So hop to it and get it out of the way and then you
can peacefully return to what you were doing.



When your wife gives you that steely-eyed, 
clinched-jaw scowl, known as "The Look,"
it means that you have obviously done
something wrong, but what?
You will find out as soon as she gets you alone. 



In interpreting what your wife's body language means,
carefully scrutinize her voice, eyes, head movement,
lips, laugh, fingers, hands, arms, and silence,
and then . . . . Guess.




Copyright  ©  2018 By Peter Davidson
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MARITAL ADVICE

*****  Marital Quotations, #2  *****
Short quotations that summarize some of the key concepts from Marital Advice to my Grandson, Joel, are scattered throughout the book.  Here are some of those.



When you get married, the concept of "sharing" is a little
more complicated than it was back in kindergarten. 
You can never go wrong, though,
by giving your wife the biggest half.


If you want to show your wife your charming side,
read to her from a book of poetry or
inspirational quotations.
Don't overdo it, though, 
or she'll think you're up to something. 


Every day of your married life will be an adventure,
particularly on those days that the two of you
never even leave the house.


Here's a simple idea that will save you
a great deal of grief and misery:
Buy a large twelve-month calendar, the kind with a
large square for every day of the month.
Then, jot down on it your wife's birthday, your wedding
anniversary, and any other special days.
Oh, and then look at the ca…
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MARITAL ADVICE

*****  Marital Quotations, #1  *****
Short quotations that summarize some of the key concepts from Marital Advice to my Grandson, Joel, are scattered throughout the book.  Here are a few.



What would a man accomplish if he were to become rich and famous and conquer the world, if he didn't have the love of his life at his side to share the journey. 

As the Marital Bus rumbles  down the highway of life, there cannot be two people wrestling for the steering wheel, or surely the bus will crash.  Know when it is your turn to drive, and when it is time to quietly sit in the back seat.

Guys, just think - of the billions of men in the world, your wife chose you. That's how special she thinks you are. Make it your life's mission to prove her right.

Money can buy almost anything, but it cannot buy the love of a good woman.



Copyright  ©  2018 By Peter Davidson

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MARITAL ADVICE

***** Mopping the Sopping *****
In last week's post, we revealed one of the most accurate and true scientific principles known to mankind - if you're a guy, there is a high likelihood that when you eat, you're going to spill something on yourself.  As promised, this week we'll look at what to do about it. 

Mopping the Sopping

To every problem there is a potential solution and that is what today's post is about - solutions to the problem of your spilling on yourself when you eat.  Here they are:

*  If at all possible, avoid eating in public where you are apt to make a fool of yourself by spilling all over your self.

*  If you are forced to eat in public, try to keep the number of guests at your table as low as possible to decrease the number of witnesses.

*  Consider ordering food items that barely leave a trace if they happen to find their way to your shirt.  Un-buttered toast or crackers are suggested.

*  If you know you are going to eat a particular meal t…
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MARITAL ADVICE

***** Father's Day Dining Etiquette *****
Today is Father's Day in the United States.  This is the day your wife and family are supposed to treat you like a king; maybe they'll even take you out to a nice restaurant for your favorite meal. Here are some dining etiquette tips similar to what I gave my grandson, Joel, when he got engaged. 

This is not about when to place your napkin on your lap or how many peas to balance on the blade of your knife.  This is about a dining matter of far more significance to you than that, since you are a guy.  Since you are a guy, you will rarely be able to eat a full meal without spilling something on yourself.  You have probably already discovered this on your own.  


Scientific Eating Etiquette Truisms 

There are several unwritten hypothesis about spilling food on yourself that are as accurate as any known law of science:

*  The more colorful the food item, the more likely it is to spill on you.

*  A light-colored shirt, like white…