Marital Advice

Let The Training Begin 

Joel, this concept was already expressed in this epistle's introduction, but I repeat it here just in case you missed it the first time.

To your wife, you are more than a husband, you are a Project - a Work-in-Progress. 

When Abby chose to marry you, she apparently saw in you hidden potential that no other woman in the world was able to spot, including her mother, her sisters, and her friends.  For the rest of her life, she will try on a daily basis to coax, mold, and beat that hidden potential into some semblance of the admirable man she visualizes you have the ability to become.

You will be in training every day of your married life.  Sometimes, the training will be so subtle that you may not even know that you are being trained.  Other times, there will be no doubt, such as in the preceding story that was posted in this blog, "The Gift Horse."

Jump-Starting Your Training

In order to make Abby's job of training you a little easier, and to give you a head start as a trainee, I offer the following tidbits:

*  You probably didn't know this before, but you soon will - your eyebrows are too bushy and should be trimmed and you are growing hair on your ears that needs to be plucked. 

*  Your faded jeans, the ones that fit just right, are not suitable to be seen in public unless you wear them to a football game or a honkytonk.

*  You talk too loud when you're on the telephone, especially when you talk to someone who is in another town.  Sure, they're a long ways away, but that's a damn poor excuse. 

*  You tell the same stories to the same people over and over and over again.  Once is enough.

*  You grab your dinner fork like it's a hammer handle.

*  Your buddies are welcome to drop in anytime, provided you give your wife a two-hour advance notice.

*  You eat your meals like you are in a food-eating contest.  Slow down.

*  When you talk, your hands fly all over the place; stop it before you injure someone.

*  Your favorite underwear, the ones with the hole in them, will no longer be acceptable to wear.

*  The television is too loud, and don't claim that they turn up the volume during commercials. 

*  When you get a few drinks in you, you become a real motormouth.  Put a sock in it. 

Now, you might think that the preceding comments and suggestions should be construed as nagging or criticism.  They are not - it is Training.  Get used to it - it has only just begun.  And, after you get properly trained, you will be one magnificent specimen of a man. 

When your wife says, "Dear, will you help me . . . ."
She doesn't mean next month, next week, tomorrow, 
or when the game you're watching is over.  
She means NOW.
So, hop to it and get it out of the way and then you can
peacefully return to what you were doing.

Copyright  ©  2017 By Peter Davidson