Marital Advice to my Grandson Joel

Marital Advice 101.1

 

Hidden Truths About Marriage
 

Joel, to your wife, Abby, you will be more than just a husband - you will be a Project, a Work-in-Progress.
 

When Abby chose to marry you, she apparently saw in you hidden potential that no other woman in the world was able to spot, including her mother, her sisters, and her friends.  For the rest of Abby's life, she will try on a daily basis to coax, mold, and beat that hidden potential into some semblance of the admirable man she visualizes you have the ability to become.
 

This wisdom, provided by me,  your grandfather, is a guide for how to understand, accept, and fulfill your role in the marriage and how to understand, at least a little bit, what makes your wife tick.
 

You will be wise to use these words of wisdom to self-train yourself so you can lessen the amount of training that needs to be inflicted upon you by your wife. 
 

 

 

Marital Advice 101.2
 

  

Marital Wisdom, Passed Down For Generations
 

Prior to your getting married, some well-meaning friends, your brother, your dad, an uncle, some cousins, and even strangers, will take you aside and try to explain what married life is all about.  I know this because before I got married to Grandma, a whole bunch of self-styled philosophers offered me marital advice and wisdom.
 

Believing everything they said, I wrote down their wisdom so I could refer to it often for guidance and direction.  Even though these gems of wisdom were given to me several decades ago, they are just as true today as they were back then and they will be just as true many years from now as well.  There is no time limit on truth.
 

So, here is that timeless wisdom and advice for you to study, contemplate, ponder and digest.  Since some of the advice is quite deep and philosophical, I have added a few comments in parenthesis, based on my years of marital experience, just to help you out a bit.
 

*  "It takes a lot of effort to make a marriage work." (That advice, by the way, is like giving you a rowboat somewhere off the coast of California, pointing out into the ocean and saying, "If you paddle in that direction, you'll eventually reach Hawaii.")
 

*  "Women are a lot different than men."  (Oh, Really?)
 

*  "Marriage can either be Heaven or Hell."  (Makes sense, no?)
 

*  "Keep your powder dry."  (I've had 40 years to think about this comment and still don't know what in the hell Uncle Fred meant by it.)
 

*  "Be careful what you confess to in a weak moment - women have a memory like an elephant."  (Every married man on earth has found this out first hand.)
 

*  "Just treat her like one of the guys."  (You might contemplate this advice carefully before you teach your wife how to cuss, chew tobacco, and spit.)
 

*  "Measure twice and saw once."  (The purveyor of this fabulous wisdom was a carpenter, but in marital terms it probably means you should think twice before you open your mouth.)
 

* "Your wife will not see the humor in your introducing her to others as your 'First Wife."  (No shit.)
 

*  "Just when you think you've got your wife figured out, she'll run a reverse on you or throw a Hail Mary."  (This advice came from my high school football coach - profound.)
 

*  "Your wife is allowed to say low-down, mean, nasty things about her mother, but you are not."  (It's a mother-daughter thing that you'll never understand.)
 

*  "The key to a successful marriage is to always pick up your socks off the floor."  (Great advice, but it's not quite that simple.)
 

*  "Break only one law at a time."  (This advice could apply to many things, but in marriage, I think it means you should not forget your wife's birthday and your anniversary in the same year.)
 

*  "If you whisper another woman's name in your wife's ear, or shout it, particularly during a moment of passion, there is no way to lie your way out of it, but give it a try anyway."  (This advice came from a guy who spent three years sleeping in the basement.)
 

*  Be careful, or she'll turn out just like her mother."  (Egads!  But, fear not - it's only true 57% of the time.)
 

*  "Your mouth will get you into a whole lot more trouble than your Willy ever will."  (A word of wisdom from your grandfather.  From the voice of experience.)





Copyright  ©  2017 By Peter Davidson